30 things I learned upon my 30th birthday
Me & my people. 30 is good.
30 today. Here are 30 things* I learned:
Understanding trade-offs (opportunity cost) would be the single most useful thing you learn from that Econ class, and arguably your whole undergrad education.
Speaking of trade-offs, it’s generally not a good idea to sacrifice long term perks for short term gains. Dopamine is great and all, but what will truly make you happy is serotonin. A good example of this is a fad diet compared to a healthy lifestyle, the former of which is more visible sooner but will more easily backfire.
Another example of trade-offs (told you it was important), is salary vs. equity. As a former employee in many early stage startups, I’ve made the all too common mistakes of not giving a damn about equity. Greater salary will make your life better in the short term, but what will truly give you a shot at doing greater things in life is stakes in high-growth companies. I learned this from David.
Treat children like adults who are slightly smaller. Skip the baby food, training wheels, and pullups. They can handle table food if they can use their hands, striders if they can move their legs, and no diapers on day 1 of potty training.
Always clean your house before going to bed or leaving to go away on long trips. Waking up/returning to a clean house is life’s most underrated joy.
Marriage is not a thing you’ve earned the day you get married. It’s a forever WIP, and that’s the beauty of it.
Baking soda is magic. Have a ton of it at home to remove stubborn stains, make fun science experiment, or whiten your teeth for cheap.
Therapy is good for your mental health. And no, venting to that patient friend does not count. These things are emotionally overbearing. Reach out to a professional, please.
Insomnia sucks. The cure for me (after 10 months of struggling and learning different techniques) was to have a consistent bedtime and waketime routine. Also, “trying to sleep” will never work.
Children, too, thrive on routines. They are still trying to figure this world out and need consistency. When you break your own rules, it will cause a lot of confusion for them. “Do as I say not as I do” will never work.
The two most important factors when it comes to pitching, is Warmth (your perceived trustworthiness, how friendly you are) and Intelligence (your perceived authority on the subject matter, how knowledgeable you seem). Without Warmth, you will just look like a smartass jerk. Without Intelligence, you will be underappreciated. Many people know a lot about matters at hand, but lack warmth.
Humility is the most important trait among successful people. You can never be too humble. There will always be someone who knows it better than you do.
“On time” means 10 minutes early (this is my worst trait - I’m still working on it)
A good apology is unconditional.
This is for women: stop apologizing for, well, being who we are. And yes, you have to intentionally check yourself, for those self-deprecating expressions will sneak up on you unannounced.
Always leave a note if you hit a driverless car. I recently rear-ended a Lexus in the grocery parking lot and was so lost on what to do. Thank goodness I left a note. But I didn’t leave my insurance detail. So here’s a tip for you: it’s never a good idea to offer to venmo someone whose car you hit.
It’s hard to understand how rigged and fucked-up a system is if you have been benefiting from it. The only way to get out of it is to work actively against it. Doing nothing, in this case, is just as bad as doing active harm.
Apple & Google… well, they don’t like each other. Good luck group-texting your iMessage friends via your Android/Pixel.
You will never be 100% prepared. Yet go for it anyway. Curve balls are there to help you learn.
Take chances on people. Contrary to popular belief, most people are good and capable of growth.
Trust but verify. Always assume they have good intentions first. However, after taking chances on them 3 times, you can give up.
Do not put even the people you admire the most on a pedestal. They are human too. I learned this the hard way…
Did you know.. the plural of deer is also deer? Oh you do? Fine, just me then.
Just because they are family doesn’t mean they automatically deserve your love and respect. Some people are lucky enough to be born to loving families- that is a privilege and not a norm.
Reading a book or watching a movie again after 10 years will give it completely new meaning, since you’ve changed. Recently I rewatched Bridesmaids after first seeing it in 2011 and oh my goodness did it crack me up. Could not for the life of me get it back then.
“No movies/TV until it’s dark” is the best rule we’ve come up with as parents.
Smiling will literally send instant serotonin to your brain. Try it now and observe the effect.
Beware of dogma of any kind. The truth will rarely come in absolutes. Reality is messy and nuanced.
We call this “Covid 20 rule”: the lowest level of tip now is 20%. If you want a local place to stay in business, tip even more.
Some people will never like you and that’s okay.
My 20s started with a heartbreak and ended in the middle of a pandemic. But- turning 30 in a house I co-own with the people I love (one of whom, I birthed!) while running a tech company that intentionally embraces and amplifies the voices of women and people of color (rare for this bro-y industry), feels good. And hey, I am finally the age I’ve been feeling for years now!
Here’s to 30. And 30s 💛💛💛
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* Here’s my 29 things I shared on my 29th birthday. And 20 things on my 20th. I guess I have a thing for number.
